Mom Confessions: bad birthdays, self-care, and filing for divorce
because there is no such thing as a perfect mom
Motherhood can be messy, and only focusing on the highlights never made anyone feel less alone! Welcome to Mom Confessions, a space to get the hard stuff off your chest, hear from other moms going through it, and find solace in our shared struggles. Read on for anonymous submissions from moms just like you.
“I know it’s well-intentioned but I get frustrated when people tell me to take care of myself first. Yeah? Then who in the world will take care of my baby? Grandparents say they will help but never turn up when I actually ask for it. Husband helps only when it’s convenient for him. So my “self-care” is on everyone else’s timeline. It almost defeats the purpose for me.”
“My birthday completely sucked. My husband was kind enough to send me a couple texts in the morning (he leaves for work before I wake up), but when I asked for him to pick up takeout from our favorite restaurant, he wasn't paying attention to my order - only his - and ordered me the wrong thing. He did feel sorry about it, but it made me feel insignificant. Later, he fell asleep on the couch after the kids went to bed. I told him to go to bed and while he was getting ready, I went on a walk by myself and sobbed. I came home and told him that I go out of my way to make his birthday feel special, even though it was on Mother's Day, and not only got him the gift he requested, but something special and considerate. I also reminded him that he sucks at my stocking stuffers even though that's literally his only responsibility with Christmas gifts. I know he's stressed at work, but I also work full-time and manage ALL of the kid stuff. I told him that I need him to just think of me and show me he knows me without me spelling it out for him. He apologized and seemed remorseful, but never did anything else to make my birthday special all weekend. I pretty much lied when people asked whether I had a good birthday weekend. Sometimes, he is so selfish and I resent him.”
“Two words: postpartum periods”
“I want a second child but I FEAR going through the newborn stage again. It’s literally the only thing holding me back right now.”
“After four years of debating and discerning, counseling and crying, I finally filed for divorce three months ago. Deep down I know, with certainty, it was the right decision and will be better for everyone in the long run. And even despite the turmoil that is "going through" a divorce, it already feels more peaceful most days. But for now the guilt I feel for upending my children's sense of normalcy is really crushing me and I have so many fears for how things are going when I'm not with them. I hope and believe it won't always feel this way. (Though it doesn't help that their dad will probably always point his finger to my decision anytime anything goes wrong for them, little or big. Why can't he just grow up and move on for their sake?) Sometimes the right decision is the hardest one.”
Submit yours here.
Im divorced too. 7 years ago. My ex the one who pushed it through. I didn’t want my kids to be divorce kids. When I read you feel ashamed, I recognised the feeling. But the thing is, not only you but your kids too are better off this way.
The image of a mum- dad- kids- family is in the interest of the modern industrialised society. All politics, medias priorities, all shopping, all movies and music primarily focus on the positive projection of man and woman, with/without kids. Your shame is a natural reaction to this, but that doesn’t make living alone or being divorced bad or wrong. It just you first step in making your own decisions, free of peer pressure.